Normal service continued

Sorry I haven't updated for a few weeks. My priorities have been all screwed up of late. Although I'd put getting a job on the back burner and losing weight on the front burner I had my name casually with a few recruitement agents. One of them called me for a job interview 3 weeks ago. I went to it thinking there is no way I'd get the job considering I have no NZ experience. I didnt want the job but I bloody got it in the middle of the interview and I started last Tuesday. I've just completed 2 weeks work and I'm shagged. Im no longer the lady of leisure I have been for the last 10 months sadly. Its very sad really as I loath... no I hate what I do for a living. I resent having to learn an entire countries tax system... I'm an Ausy accountant by the way now living and working for the first time in NZ. Its not that I hate working or getting up earlier or anything. I just don't enjoy accounting anymore and having to relearn another countries tax system when you hate what you do anyway is just a drag. And it is just exhusting and its a huge effort on my behalf which I just don't feel up to but thats just bad luck really... I just hate what I do for a living basically. But the people are just lovely. I love the people and the view from my office is devine over the harbour. Its just accountancy I find is boring as bat shit. Actually Bat shit is more interesting.

I'm sorry I'm just whinging its ok. Its very challenging at present as I have to learn the whole tax system here and I am still upset about losing my freedom. But its a means to an end and we just bought a house this week so the extra money is very handy. I just need to suck it up and get on with it. My husband patiently listens to my whinging and keeps saying just work for another year or so or till we have a baby or can save up some money to start a business or something.

But again back to weight loss... if I don't lose the weight I will probably end up working for a lot longer as I won't be able to get pregnant due to my health issues. So I am trying to taking from a positive from this situation. The sooner I lose weight the sooner I can leave my job I hate.

So anyway back to losing weight....

Hypnosis was interesting. The first session was only half an hour and was held in what appeared to be a hippy commune. There were all these dregs of society lazily walking around the buildings and it was in the middle of the bush. I felt quite uncomfortable at first. But the room she took me into was nice and clean and she was friendly. I don't think I was hypnotised though. It was kind of like doing a session of Alexander technique where you focus on parts of your body and fill it with light and concentrate on your breathing.... basically she did 5 minutes of relaxation exercises then talked me down some visual stairs in my mind to go sit in a rocking chair in my mind again. Then she went on for a bit about how great I felt about losing weight and letting go of whatever was holding me back from losing weight and then talked me back up the stairs and back to consciousness. I was very consious the whole time think does she seriously think doing a few relaxation exercises will hypnotise me. I was fully aware of what was going on and a little unamused by this fact. Basically I felt she was taking the piss when afterwards she said I was definately under as when she said certain things my face would pull a funny expression. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because I was thinking what the f..ck is she going on about. But chatting to her afterwards I realised that perhaps it had brought up some issues for me and that the relaxation probably did me some good. So with that in mind perhaps I should explore further so I made another longer apointment. The main problem I had with her was she was overweight herself. Nice but I didn't go there to make friends with her I went to her for help.. I was thinking (meanly I acknowledge) how can you help me if you haven't helped yourself? I know thats cruel but its true.

Anyway I went again the following week and this time we chatted for longer at the start. I had been thinking during the week that if she was going to help me I should tell her more about me. Mainly as the stuff she had said to motivate me while I was supposedly under the last time had not worked for me. So I told her a few things about my past and I realised afterwards that I don't think she was prepared or trained to council people as her responses were not a little underwhelming. She then put me under and again it didn't feel like it worked for me. Particularly as on the way down the stairs she missed the step number 8 and on the way up the stair number 7. I was actually listening for this as my personal trainer had told me she had done this to a 2 of the trainers at the gym who she had put under as a test thing when she gave them her flyer to advertise her services. I guess I might be an accountant deep down as the missing of the stairs just annoyed me and instead of waking up refreshed I felt quite annoyed that she didn't count the stairs properly and I'd just spent an hour sitting still in a chair definately not hypnotised. She asked me how I felt and I said I felt a bit annoyed before my brain kicked in and sensored this rude response... she said oh why... and of course I didn't have the guts to say because you missed the stairs numbers. I said I don't know why. She then went on and on that she thought my weight problems were my fathers fault for spoiling us with food treats as a child. He used to let us have KFC as a treat... big deal!!! I just sat there and said nothing and left as soon as I could. I swear its my pet hate when people blaming their parents or someone else for all the troubles in their life particularly weight issues. In some peoples case if they were abused perhaps it might be true. But most people haven't been abused. Who can people like me who had a great childhood blame.... my parents were the most loving caring happy people who are still together and gave us the most wonderful childhood you could ask for. How could it possibly be their fault I overeat and put on weight... Its me who puts the bloody food in my mouth and sits on her arse not exercising... not them. Anyway its my pet hate that.

Anyway I thought starting the job would make me exercise more. It means I will walk alot more to and from work. I still have my trainer 2 evenings a week (instead of during the day). Although I'm eating alot better and at more regular times. Although my weight lifting has improved so much this last few weeks. Although I'm doing much more walking... although although although I have not lost even 1 kg in the last 2 weeks. Not a gram. In fact I'm putting on weight. Not much but still a few hundred grams. Why... I just don't get it. I mean I have eaten the wrong things a few times but nothing to write home about. I've been having porriage for breakfast, fruit or museli bar for mid morning and a sandwich for lunch with meat and salad usually. Then I have some more fruit in the afternoon. For dinner some rice, veges and meat or something. I have upped my Caramel Latte count so maybe thats why?

I'm at a loss. Maybe I need to go see a nutritionist or dietician? I'm at a loss. I'm scared its the hormone imbalance. Maybe this is stopping me from losing weight. As my husband keeps pointing out at some point if I'm eating less calories than I'm burning off the weight will start falling off. Its not... and its floating around in the back of my mind that I will never be able to have children. A little voice of negativity sitting on my shoulder which I keep telling to bugger off.

So to know for sure I need to find a diet and stick 100% to it for say a month and do the cardio and see if I'm still not losing weight. If so I guess I need to go see some doctors or specialists as this just won't do. I guess seeing a dietician would be money well spent. I need to think about that. At present just getting used to working again is taking it out of me so I don't want to put too much pressure on myself.

Anyway thats me for now.